Go For It
Hi Friends,
Encouraging clients to GO FOR their goal/s is my jam!
People (myself included), sometimes argue for their limitations due to fear of the unknown, lack of representation, adopted social paradigms, stored messages from childhood etc.
While at a BBQ with my husband’s work-family recently, I got to chatting with someone about their current job.
They shared their passion about a different department (within the company), and how their college experience plus background was ideal for a newly posted job opening.
I couldn’t help myself, I encouraged them to apply, interview, and GO for it (I may have forgotten to ask if they wanted to be coached:)
Cheerleading aside, recently I found myself holding back one of my own passions…
BIKING!
I’ve always enjoyed downhill speed, shifting gears, and the freedom of going places using clean energy; as opposed to petroleum.
Fun fact, when I was in college I biked to my summer landscaping job (32 miles), gas wasn't even expensive back then.
Not so fun fact, one of my earliest bike-memories was biking in my driveway when I was about 7 years old, a neighbor bully teased me about my speech impediment–my sister abruptly punched him...I kept biking:)
Gotta love childhood memories.
This summer I found my bike collecting more dust than ever.
Then when my husband mentioned my brake-pads were completely worn down (from the last few years), it made me wonder if I’ve been holding back?
I noticed I wasn't being brave on downhills (I used to be fearless), and sneaky thoughts like – maybe you're not nimble enough for clipless pedals anymore.
In August, I made a conscious decision to get out on 2 wheels more often – with the desire to spark the joy of freedom.
It’s no surprise I feel free on my bike, in the late nineteenth century feminists & suffragettes recognized the transformative power of the bicycle.
“I think bicycling has done more to emancipate women than anything else in the world. It gives women a feeling of freedom and self-reliance. I stand and rejoice every time I see a woman ride by on a wheel… the picture of free, untrammeled womanhood.” ― Susan B. Anthony
The mass adoption of bicycles gave the Woman Suffrage Association mobility used to lobby state to state.
Beyond how biking facilitated a social justice movement, biking can be a portal to physical, emotional, & mental wellbeing...
The sport is helping 92 year old SUPER SENIOR Lindy Millington recover from the loss of her husband. (WCAX broadcasted)
Seeing Lindy's biking story reinforced my determination to ride through Vermont's amazing fall season, and be on the lookout for false narratives about my capabilities.
Lindy shares in the interview: “I’m only doing what I like to do”
And you, are you doing what you like?
Is it time to get back on your proverbial bike?
Want help loosening up on the brakes?
Schedule a complimentary coaching session.
You're capable of more than you know!
See you on the road & on your mat.
🚴🏻♀️
xo, Becky
Menopause Month
Did you know October was designated Menopause Awareness Month by the International Menopause Society, and World Health Organization in 2009?
I didn’t.
Like most things, until something affects us, it may not orbit our airspace.
When I was pregnant, What to Expect When You’re Expecting orbited all my airspace.
During the terrible twos, eye-rolling ten year olds, and teenager “WTF did I do to my life” years, Dr. Spock and the likes ruled the stars (truth-be-told I wanted to live on another planet).
And here I am, now in the menopause control tower (which has felt out of control on & off) – doing what I’ve always done…gathering information (research).
I launched into Dr. Stacy Sim’s Menopause 2.0 course about a year ago to better understand science-based knowledge about the changes women go through in menopause, and strategies to support overall health along the journey.
The impetus being to help peri/post menopause clients, and my own menopause space-journey (5 years post), which has included asteroids, black holes, and the self-imposed gift of soul space (a place to practice living in alignment with your higher self).
All this to say, I’ll be sharing ways to collaborate with the menopause journey (which is unique for each of us)...
Disease-preventative lifestyle practices (not hacks), adaptogens that can support/ease symptoms, and community support.
Have questions?
Reach out, I’m happy to share what I’ve learned.
Letting Go
Most of you know I’m a proponent of using movement as a tool for navigating LIFE.
Movement practices can facilitate a healing journey–the unplanned, unrehearsed, unimagined, as well as the inevitable & predictable.
There are countless methods for transcending energetic states, but why not feed two birds with one scone (love me a scone)...
Movement helps tune the physical body (motion=lotion), and provides an outlet for overburdened mental/emotional tension.
Recently a dear client whom I worked with for the past six years passed.
My head and heart are reconciling years of helping her be ambulatory and more healthy, with letting go, and honoring impermanence…#THEWORK!
Poet, meditator, and speaker Yung Pueblo writes about the power of letting go, and the wisdom that comes when we truly know ourselves.
“self-love
is creating space
in your life to heal
your body and mind”
Yung’s work represents insights gained through his own healing process–and reminds us that feeling it all has the power to heal.
“loneliness
will not
go away
if we remain
far away
from ourselves”
Though most of us (ME, ME, ME!) would prefer to package heartbreak, chronic pain, nostalgic-longing, grief etc. into a box, tied with a knot, and mail it far, far, away–there is NO SHIPPING ADDRESS.
Yung says– “what we face internally is a microcosm of what humanity faces globally—this is why growing our self-love is a medicine for our earth”
If you’re experiencing something difficult, I encourage you to explore resources (movement or otherwise) that provides relief and helps you welcome and honor a space for healing…I’ll meet you there.
Thankful
Dear Friends,
Did I ever tell you about my infamous cumin pumpkin pie??
Yes you read that right, not cinnamon – CUMIN!
As in the spice used in Indian cuisines, and black bean soup, NOT in thanksgiving pies!
It was thanksgiving years ago, I was trying my damndest to make thanksgiving “hallmark-special”.
I decorated my house in festive fall decor, hosted the entire family, and cooked, cooked, cooked, everyone’s favorites.
I was over-busy, over-functioning, and subconsciously – over-IT!
But, onward went the superhero of my story…
Crazed-cooking pursued, and while jamming out desserts, I grabbed the cumin powder instead of cinnamon…Martha Stewart gasp.
If I wasn’t so in my head, I probably would have smelled my spicy mistake –but noooooo, onward went this one-woman macy’s day parade.
Until dessert-time that is.
My nephew, Vincent, convinced me (he’s kind that way) he liked Indian Pumpkin pie – “no, really Aunt Becky I like it”, I was so deluded, I think I believed him.
They say, every seven years your cells turn over and you are an entirely new person.
Phew!
I’m embracing this growth; especially in the spiritual sense…
While at the harvest/gratitude themed Embodied Poetry workshop Sunday, words were shed, read, felt, written, spoken, and breathed in and out.
As a presenter I tend not to share my writing, but here’s what landed on my paper:
“Dear hungry soul,
Know you’re not alone, but will sometimes feel lonely.
Know your belly may feel void, and empty but your heart has the capacity to pour down sustenance.
Know the world will be ROCKED, and yet, you can be still.
Know the fear you sense is both caught, and taught, but you can build immunity.
Know the harvest you crave most, already exists inside of you.”
Regardless how you spend the upcoming harvest holiday (yummy pies or NOT), may you feel peace, presence, and abundant health,
❤️
Becky
Beyond dumpsters
Hello Mindful Friends,
Beyond movement, nutrition, midlife motivation, and VT garden fare, Mindful Movement hopes to deliver information that's useful.
Helpful hints that you can mobilize...off your mat, in your garden, while living on this blue, spinning sphere.
Most of you are aware I’m working on my 200 hour yoga certification.
If you’ve delved into the practice of yoga beyond the physical (a common entry point), you know how sophisticated a system it is.
Down-dogs feel good, and deep breathing is revolutionary for your nervous system (we tend to breathe from our chest-musculature), but yoga is literally a way of living.
Within yoga’s methodology, the Yamas and Niyamas are guidelines, and ethical disciplines, that give wisdom, and direction to a well lived life; they’re the first two limbs of the 8-fold path in yoga philosophy.
This week while studying Santosha (contentment), my assignment was: Practice gratitude and non-seeking – be content with each moment as it is.
I’m an optimist by nature, so, cake-walk yeah?
But the 50/50 (half joy, half suffering), in me was tilted toward the "not feeling it" side... the autumn 'feels' (like a long bout of the Sunday scaries), were visiting.
Although I'm surrounded by beauty, and 'I have nothing to complain about', I wasn’t sure how this assignment would come to fruition.
Until while at a gas station, my attention was coaxed by a group of chlorophyll saturated trees – gesturing beyond their boundaries.
It was as though they gently pulled my face and sang “look here, beyond the dumpsters, wake up & join the dance!”
They oscillated in unison like lighter-lit waving arms at an 80's concert.
The setting wasn’t IG, nor Facebook worthy – after all, it’s a gas station.
But the trees were a fertile family in their jungle – making movement music.
And me?
I took my phone, shot this shot, and rejoiced in a moment of contentment, non-seeking, and gratitude.
And you?
Where are you finding contentment, non-seeking, and gratitude these days?
Don't be surprised if these moments find you in the humdrum of your life.
On the 8-fold path with you,
Becky
Ride the waves
“Your positive energy is contagious! 💖”
...a recent compliment from a class participant.
Yes, it’s true, I’m mostly optimistic – and, I’m also a realist.
Someone else once told me people are intimidated by me…because I’m intense.
For many years I monitored my light (dimming it more than I care to admit), because of this comment.
What most people don’t see, are times when my superpower (energetic-optimism) leaves me stranded curbside, in the rain, full hair & makeup, on the way to a job interview. (I’m also dramatic).
On the days I crash and burn, I call in my “reassure me crew” (they’re on speed dial) → see, told you I’m dramatic.
My reassurance peeps listen, and remind me:
I’m not going nuts; or I am, but they still love me.
This too will pass.
It’ll be okay; even when it’s not.
The universe has swallowed greater pain, and I’m allowed to set mine down.
I’m passionate, fiery, motivated, and at times utterly miserable and disappointed at this freaking world.
Yet, intensity burns in my soul, and I do hard things…guilty, & proud!
I do these things to practice discomfort; things that expose me to sitting in the fire…because if we live long enough, we all get burned.
Such a conundrum – the illusion that pleasure, and comfort keep us safe, and unharmed, and the knowledge that life’s difficulties, failures, and struggles expose us to life’s ultimate growth hormone.
I hope this helps you shine your light, allow yourself to feel the suck, own your superpower, and know, we all need reassurance!
From meh to motivated
A coaching client last week expressed feeling scattered, fatigued, drained, and overwhelmed.
With so much happening in the world, maybe you can relate.
Curious about what may be contributing to her energy-drain, I asked her if she’d be willing to share her day-to-day routine?
Listening to her busy schedule (including full time work), she shared a habit of late night netflix, which usually led to hitting the snooze button, setting her up for a hectic day, and eating on the run.
Though movement is highly recommended for all my clients, midlife requires more than a healthy heart, lean muscles, and flexible hamstrings!
Sandwiched between a career, aging parents, kids, and fluctuating hormones requires evolving and tweaking (not to be mistaken with (twerking).
In our 20’s, 30’s, even 40’s you can get by on less sleep, subpar nutrition, and ‘running on dunkin’ (caffeine consumption) heck, maybe even twerking😏.
BUT, in midlife there's a shift from ‘survival of the fittest’, to SURVIVAL OF THE FOCUSSED!
This is where tweaking comes in…
Dialing in daily habits is the secret sauce to feeling calm, clear, and motivated!
This amazing woman did not seek out coaching for sleep-reform, but she’s shifting her routine, gathering data (how she feels), and unleashing energy.
Daily actions create results.
Auto-piloted, unintentional actions (think subconscious) need to be seen, before they can shift.
With planning, practice, and patience you can choose actions that move you from surviving, to thriving.
Sometimes you’re just a few tweaks away from meh, to feeling focused, calm, and strong.
I hope this inspired you!
Vitamin E
Hi Friends,
One of my outings this weekend was the Tractor Supply store – love this place. I love the chicks in the spring, old-fashioned candy, summer garden supplies…but most of all, it reminds me of going to the hardware store with my dad when I was a kid. Growing up in a family of 5 (3 brothers), I was lucky to “get to go” anywhere with my dad.
Ever noticed the big salt-blocks they sell? They’re for livestock; during cold weather they promote water consumption to prevent dehydration, and in the warm season, salt replaces minerals lost from perspiration.
Mindful Movement classes replace vital nutrients too; vitamin E – EQUANIMITY. Each week you’re invited to climb out of your head, and back into your body, and attune to your heart.
Practice is the secret-sauce. You’re always one breath away from choosing the path home; pure unadulterated wholeheartedness. Spending time in this place (your center) regularly wires an embodiment highway. The myelinated route is a PGS…personal guidance system at the waiting.
As I’ve shared before: there’s no guarantee you won’t get lost, but finding your way home is a heck of a lot easier when you’ve carved a trodden path, and replaced life’s vital minerals.
Coaching- borrowing belief
I’ve noticed a phenomenon that happens to women who are approaching mid-life, winding down careers, or newly empty nesters. They feel a strong urge to deepen their relationship with themselves, live more intentionally, and invest in themselves – but don’t want to seem selfish or frivolous. They’re tired of feeling held-back, and paralyzed by imposter syndrome – “who do I think I am”, but aren’t sure where to start.
As a small business owner, empty-nest mom of four, and woman in mid-life, I know all about these feelings! I experience them too – AND, I’ve learned to move forward in spite of them. And so can YOU!
That’s why I’ve decided to add Coaching for 50+ women to my services – a mentoring program for women who are sick of feeling ruled by self-critical thoughts, second-guessing, and perfectionist-paralysis. Forget manifestations and woo-woo BS…this coaching is all about – connecting with your authentic values, quieting the itty-bitty-sh*ty-committee in your head, and overcoming conditioning that’s keeping you stuck.
Whether it’s moving your body consistently, exploring a purpose-inspired side gig, or you’re looking for support on the peri/post-menopause roller coaster ride – It all begins by declaring how you want to SHOW-UP for your life!
Bring me your vision, or allow me to help you clarify one…as your non-judgmental coach, I’ll share insights, hold you (gently) accountable, and watch you soar – that’s the best part.
Not 50+ ? No problem – if this coaching resonates with you, you’re welcome here too.
READY TO GO FOR IT?
CENTER in 2022
January’s theme, CENTER, is inspired by this participant’s feedback...
“Your teaching and classes are a gift each week. I think my lesson for 2021 is to learn to hold both sorrow/joy, hard/easy (and any dichotomy really) at the same time with grace and find peace and comfort in teeter totter balance between them while “abiding the midline/center”. That you teach each week with grace my friend.”
A Powerful example of choosing the Middle Way…A Buddhist understanding of practical life. Avoiding extremes of denial and indulgence, and viewing reality with a balanced position between eternalism and annihilationism.
The last two years have been a crash-course in non-attachment, relinquishing control (as though we ever had it), and awakening to our fundamental priorities. As so eloquently written above – finding comfort and peace in the midst of suffering, while abiding our center requires attention, intention, and practice.
When life-circumstances are stressful and chaotic, even the most disciplined of us lose sight of our movement, mediation, sleep, and nutrition practices. These are very things that optimize both mental, and physical health; coaxing us back to homeostasis.
I'm often asked "what's one thing I can do to optimize my health?" The answer is...it depends. I know right, we're all looking for the magic bullet; sorry to disappoint.
Ultimately (especially as you age), you'll need to work with a healthcare professional who'll evaluate your risk-factors, read and interpret labs, and become a partner of your physical, and mental health needs.
As for the practices listed above? Your healthcare provider wants you doing the basics, AND, they understand life is a series windstorms.
With that said, my #1 suggestion for supporting your health and wellness endeavors is...
SELF-COMPASSION.
Not exactly the 72 day, Keto fat-burning, calorie blasting fad click-bate right?
And yet, without self-compassion, it's nearly impossible to sustainably right your wellness ship. When you fully engage in life, you'll undoubtedly face choppy seas. Focusing on guilt, shame, regrets, failures, frustrations won't motivate you. In fact, we tend to adopt buffering solutions for escaping these feelings; pulling us further away from holistic health.
For all the successes, celebrations, and highlights you'll experience in life, the inverse is true. Back to the dichotomy of 2021...learning to gently hold both.
Regardless of where you are on the wellness spectrum. As we say so-long to 2021, practicing grace and compassion in 2022 has the capacity to raise all the boats in your harbor.
Sail on.
Holiday re-membering
Holidays can be brutal. Apologies if you spent the week beautifying your home in preparation for November’s feast (I’m sure it’s lovely). For myself, a highly sensitive soul, holidays stir up all sorts of emotional chaos. Memories barricaded deep in my brain visit with high resolution clarity.
Yearly traditions are catalysts for remembering smells, tastes, places and people. There’s no escaping losses, regardless of how much “healing time” has passed, who fills the chair, passes the gravy, or carves the dead bird (again sorry). Who can help but feel untethered, tattered, and frayed? These missing garments provided the double helix threads that wove the fabric of our hearts.
This time of year is tough. In the past, when I succumbed to cold-weather slothfulness, I felt piled with burdened blankets, which became a cocooned protective barrier; an innocent recluse that kept me in, and the world out. I’ve since learned to lean on movement practices for self-regulation. Movement seems to restore uprightness, release clenching, and integrate wholeheartedness.
I’ve also learned that booze nudges me toward seasonal affective disorder. Another apology for those of you scrolling to unsubscribe. No judgment; I like my vino, and Barr Hill Gin occasionally too. However, when I use alcohol to anesthetize, I incur a dopamine-tax debt, and optimism deficit.
According to news and analysis for the beverage industry, the average American sees a 100% increase in their alcoholic drinking habits between Thanksgiving and New Year’s. Under the advertising guise of celebrating, it’s the sparkly, bubbly, social-lubricant everybody needs!
Surprised? We shouldn’t be; holidays bring up a lot of feelings.
Feelings suck, are difficult to sit with, and tend to get stuck where your heart ends and your stomach begins, the same place alcohol warms and soothes.
Shoving feelings under a five o’clock cocktail blanket feels so much better.
Until it doesn’t.
Again, no judgment; I prefer going undercover too!
I’m boycotting the whole adult/kid table thing. In years past, I’ve been the maker, baker, and hostess with the mostess. This year I decided to cultivate a different experience. Yes, we’re allowed to do that. Even if your sister (inlaw) doesn’t offer to host Thanksgiving. Maybe this is where you unsubscribe...again it’s okay, you get to choose what you subscribe to.
Regardless of how, where, and with whom you eat, drink, and celebrate the season, I join you in honoring the beautiful souls no longer with us, the cultivation of new traditions, and the nurturing of yourSELF. Restore and integrate that little girl (now at the adult table), and RE-member, you get to decide how to be of the world.
Time is a changing
Spring-forward, fall-back...the dichotomous interlude of running-late in the springtime (because you forgot to change your car’s clock), or feeling time-abundant in autumn (a second coffee perhaps).
For me, playing the “it’s really 9:00PM” game is a joke, but mostly a sassy attitude. My husband loves burning the midnight oil. Me? Not so much. I prefer fostering wee morning hours. Hence this time of year, when I disappear to my hibernation-cave (AKA, dark, cool bedroom), followed by “it’s only 8PM”, my reply – “but it’s really 9:00PM”...I play this game well into December 😛
I’ve recognized it doesn't serve me to create an overachieving relationship with life, work, and the clock. In Ayurvedic medicine (India’s 5,000 year old holistic methodology), it’s believed optimal health and wellness can only be attained when there’s a balance between the mind, body, and spirit. Chronobiology research shows physical, mental, and emotional health are all directly affected by our natural circadian rhythms. Who can’t remember a time when overtiredness led to: poor cognition, crying, arguing, or highly refined carb-indulgences?
Manufacturing a second day within 24 hours seems the norm; computers, phones, lights, and buzzing over-scheduled society make it possible, and somewhat expected. As sun-filled days cease, and robust green-leafed hostas surrender to a dull yellow wilt, I’m reminded; my gardens are a microcosm of the macrocosm. In addition to relationships with the land, environment, and foods I consume, how I participate in commerce, professional-life, and human-relationships requires alignment.
Feeling pressure to extend yourself beyond seasonal boundaries is common. Respecting the landscape of your soul, and nurturing circadian rhythms requires attuned practice; where was that class in college? A few inquiries during darkened months may help:
Do I have the energy to add _____ to my schedule?
Is this a “should do” or HELL yes?
Am I saying yes to manage other people’s feelings?
Is this something that’ll deplete me, or fill me?
If I say yes to this, what am I saying no to?
Without dormancy there is no rebirth. To be of service, we must replenish. I invite you to tune-in, turn-off, mirror nature, set your clocks, but most importantly, set your intentions.
All your your parts
The paradoxical space of wanting my mom to live a thriving, healthy life, and lovingly accepting her and her circumstances exactly as they are...
I believe holistic daily habits like going to bed and waking early, eating mostly whole foods, moving regularly, drinking a ton of water, and not drinking a ton wine and beer (hate me yet) may help to prevent chronic illnesses such as: high blood pressure, type II diabetes, heart disease, osteoporosis, autoimmune disease, and others. These habits aren’t easy to cultivate and maintain, nor do the current systems we live in make them accessible for all.
For my mom, who suffers from multiple chronic diseases, investing in her health-habits wasn’t in the marketing stratosphere of her generation. She was sold a version of 1950’s home economics; clean homes, hand-sewn clothes, six o’clock meat and potatoes dinners, and Toll House cookies equaled love, worth, and mother-of-the-PTO award.
How can I expect her to navigate the new age, self-care, kombucha culture? To prioritize time for the exercise routine I’ve repeatedly taught her? To cook and eat balanced meals; with no one else at the table? To check her blood sugar regularly? To, to, to…
Up until recently, my desire for her to experience abundant health strained my health-coaching code of conduct. As Ram Dass said, “If you think you’re enlightened, spend a week with your family.” OUCH!
Finally, at 54, I’m learning to surrender. After all, if I begrudge her selfless ways, I not only reject her, but myself too. My own inherited selfless, generous parts contribute to my inner guidance compass; coordinates that were programmed (thanks to mom), to think about those less fortunate, to lend a helping hand, and to leave the world a better place.
On that note, after the challenges of the past year, you too may have transitioned from habits that once served you. Perhaps sweatpants with blessed elastic waist bands, and bowls of pretzels, are permanent features at your desk. Extend yourself kindness, give yourself grace, and consider each day an opportunity to lovingly accept all your parts, and at the same time, know you’re worth investing in.
Good morning
I'm passionate about creating movement practices that cushion life’s tensions, help align our center, and leave us in the integrity of our souls.
You make this possible.
Hearing Zoom-room doorbells from my laptop once again is music to my movement-routine-loving brain.
WOW class (6am) was different this week. Going from: up with summer sun streaming in windows to – dark, lights-on with curtains drawn. Noticing the darkness, compared to bright morning classes just a few weeks ago, I shared these thoughts on movement in the morning...
Sleep is queen.
Sleep deprivation weakens our ability to choose and connect to all things that help us thrive. Things like: positive mindset, wholefood meals, fun, purpose, breathing intentionally, environmental, spiritual & social connection, and of course MOVEMENT.
We all know how we feel after a great night’s sleep, which at times evades us. If you wake up feeling exhausted, or your body loves to warm and wake up slowly, I suggest forgoing the live-class and enjoying the recorded session later.
On the other hand, if you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired, want to give up burning the candle at both ends, are ready to replace night-Netflix-binging with evening reading, and want to start your Wednesdays with WOW...you’ll need to start your day the night before.
My get-up-early philosophy – put yourself to bed as though you were a child (on a school night). 😉
Moved by Color
The British Invasion. Stowe, VT 9/10/2021
Although car shows aren't routine for me, I thoroughly absorbed the pigments of Stowe's car show this weekend.
I love this color! I feel at ease, calm, and at the same time happy and inspired. An esoteric, deep, resonant, saturated energy. I can't explain why; I only know how I feel when I see it.
After viewing some cool cars (mostly admiring colors...my appreciation for model, make, and engines is nonexistent), and dinner at the cozy Green Mountain Inn restaurant (The Whip), we enjoyed the live band's final songs…
I had never really listened to Pink Floyd's song Comfortably Numb. As the lyrics drew me in, I heard, felt, and saw nothing but the band, and was engulfed by the song's meaning.
As the story goes...
"In an interview released in the 80s, Waters said that much of the song comes from something that really happened one evening when, in order to allow him to perform in Philadelphia, the doctor gave him a sedative for a severe stomach ache, which had probably been caused by nerves. On the stage, his hands were numb and his vision blurred, but none of this derailed the crowd, who continued to dance and sing. And it was out of this that one of the main themes of The Wall came about: the disconnect between the public and the band."
Arghenini, I. (2019, July 28). Pink Floyd’s Comfortably Numb: behind the meaning of the lyrics. Auralcrave. https://auralcrave.com/en/2019/01/29/pink-floyds-comfortably-numb-behind-the-meaning-of-the-lyrics/
Medication to numb stomach pain hindered access to receptive-joy; joy conveyed by swaying, singing, fans. And what about the porous tuned-in lyric listener? Meaningful language is more relational when it crosses unburdened synapses, is it not?
Feeling all the colors of life is no easy art lesson. Willingness to sit in grey, murky, putrid, grassy-swamp-green, is a big ask. And yet when we show-up, breathe and feel into our bodies, we cultivate clarity, connection, and the capacity to curate from a wider palette.
Lifting Fog
To be human is to experience yearnings.
Is this the path? What’s next? Do I stay here or keep looking? There has to be more... isn’t there?
In our 20’s, course-correcting is expected; even welcomed. In our 30’s & 40’s the hourglass-sand slips faster, begging us to firm-up decisions with expiration dates. In our 50’s & beyond the dusty sand-clock reminds us – the first act is over...a second and final act (if lucky) calls us to lift our gaze from life’s business. With this upward glance inviting impending existential angst. Numbing agents are miracles for such malise. Dopamine relief, conveniently a path away.
The road to serenity isn't a smooth ride. One can expect to get jostled and thrown from the vehicle. Resisting hedonic joy-rides, staying put, and buckling-up for the less traveled road requires faith, tolerating discomfort, rejection, and driving down the foggy road.
The break in midlife fog brings awareness of silenced-desires, the examination of expectations, and dreamlike vows adhered to. The well-worn trodden pathway of the “urge to please” becomes too obvious to ignore. Somehow this contract, signed at youth, has lost its brain-washing lure, and like a shrunken, itchy, wool sweater is destined for the donation bin.
Revising life’s contract requires the willingness to cull wisdom, hold steadfast to personal truths, and to source joys and fulfillment beyond dutifulness. To vow to your heart daily is an ambitious goal. To not do so is a foggy existence.
Brave Balance
High level acrobatics performed on a bar, a vault, the floor, and a precarious beam requires bravery. It’s difficult to fathom the perseverance required to perfect flips, turns, endurance, and power on the road to becoming an elite Olympic gymnast. Simone Biles’ withdrawal from the final individual all-around competition in the Olympic Games to focus on her mental health may be her bravest twist yet.
Struggling with balance is real. Not a sobriety-line-walk, or on a standup paddle board; rather, life-balance. Society-seedlings are planted throughout our lives: you can have it “all.” A thriving career, a happy family, and an abundant social calendar.
When my kids were young, I was in the family-rearing season. With four children under six, there was zero balance; my attention was focused on keeping them fed, clean, and away from poisons. Now that they’re independent, I have time to step up my career, and pick up balls I may have left undribbled. Seasons will continue to morph and shapeshift, and I get to decide how to define balance, choose my terms, and figure out what best serves me.
Movement, mindful-meals, sleep, and quality home-time are my non-negotiables. When these are dialed in, I feel energized, aligned, courageous, and better able to serve. You’re not what you do, the model car you drive, what school your kid gets into, nor the Gatsby parties you host. You are a being, a being inhabiting a physical form. If the world’s greatest Olympic acrobatic athlete can self-advocate and reserve her right to respect whole-health, what’s stopping you?
Flight
Poppy woke up at 5 am today with the energy of a six year old boarding a flight to Disney World. Other days she’s like a senior in high school, sleeping in till 10 am on a Saturday. She at least granted me time to grind my favorite beans and brew my coffee. With a warm mug-in-hand, I followed the sassy nine pound hotdog outside; God I love this dog.
While meandering around the driveway, I witnessed a hummingbird enjoying her own breakfast brew; succulent bee balm nectar. Instantly, my heart strings tugged at memories of my dad (he left this dimension in 2001). They say your children are your outside hearts. I guess this makes sense because when I think of his departure, I feel hollow; like my shelter of origin was ripped open in a storm leaving remnants of a past family life lived. I feel this especially in my solar plexus....a raw, gnawing convergence of my gut and lower chambers of my heart.
How can a tiny bird bring me back to my dad? Hummingbirds are memory-connections because my brain wired several observations after his passing. Although my dad attempted to attract hummingbirds to his bird habitat with sweet nectar-filled bright feeders (at his home in Essex Junction) they never came; that is, until he passed. That spring, a plethora of hummingbirds enjoyed daily nectar-inebriation, a joy for my mom to witness. Coincidence? Maybe.
Then there was my son’s middle school graduation. Graduations, and holidays in general, always intensify the cavernous grief space. We all know who’s missing, yet are too scared to mention his name. This would give way for the cavity to rise up to your throat and into your eyes before any chance of swallowing it back down. A snotty nose, guttural sobs, and bloodshot eyes are a sure way to wreck a joyful event.
So, as dutiful moms we triumph. We make sure the khakis, shirt, and tie are ironed. We make the post-ceremonial meal. We get the graduate there early, and the wake of the family, including grandma, there on time, while choking on the lump, blinking humidity back, and breathing shallowly so as to not unleash the gasping grief that resides at the convergence of the heart and belly.
However, on this warm spring evening the joy of his presence was felt above the pain of his loss. Inside the festive, graduation-gymnasium a hummingbird appeared. Perhaps attracted to the fuchsia decorative flowers used for the event, he joined the celebration.
Maybe you too have meaningful signs that connect you to past loves. A butterfly, dog, bird, or specific atmospheric energies. We get to wire our meanings, and feel those we miss in uniquely connected ways. We get to feel to heal and wrap ourselves up in the mystery of it all.
And if we are all “made of star stuff”– according to astronomer Carl Sagan, then our loves are never more than a flight away.
Which will you feed?
Cherokee Wisdom – The Story of The Two Wolves
"An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
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I first heard the two wolves parable years ago while attending a yoga conference. It instantaneously alchemized my understanding of – internal emotional landscape.
Observing self-aware panoramic views is accessible; most days. Cultivating peace within that space, is the practice.
Starving the bad wolf, feeding the good one, and noticing when the bad one sneaks back...again, and again.
When practicing regularly, the bad one shows up less frequently...and when she does, she's not famished; only mildly hungry.
Philip Goldberg, an interfaith minister says – "spiritual practice won't drive away pesky aspects of life, it's more like an immune booster, or sturdy garment that keeps us dry and warm in a blizzard"
Contemplation:
How can you ensure you make time to regularly knit a sturdy garment?
Head & Heart
I’ve been on a quest to balance the energy within my “self”; the self my soul/spirit currently occupies. This incarnation is a mere temporary blip, a sentiment my brain could afford to recall more often. Perhaps I’m feeling called to this yin-yang practice more now, because the breadth of this one life (as Mary Oliver would say), is no longer a vast, endless wilderness. The forest edges are growing inward, like prolific sod that maneuvers toward garden beds, despite yearly edging.
In a past life, (for those of you who don’t know me well), I practiced endurance sports. Training for triathlons was what I did, morning, noon, and night. Endless hours on trails and in lanes. Miles and miles of pushing, pulling, reaching, kicking, and strategizing. This trailblazing training undoubtedly codified my inner resilience. A resilience I’d need to draw from in upcoming years...another post for another time. Suffice to say my head and heart experienced extreme road-rash.
Through the years I’ve continued recreational running, biking, swimming; even sporting a race-bib now and then. But the craving for head and heart integration lands me on my mat, with persistent frequency. It’s here I cultivate trails of empathy, intuition, receptiveness and prune the trails of competition, determination, and assertiveness.
I’m not certain of almost anything in the world right now. And I’m not a guru expert. I love energetic workouts; they are therapeutic for my vagus nerve. I also crave working-IN, which brings balance and flow to my mind, body, and soul. These moments, minutes, hours, on my mat, make it easier (not to be mistaken with easy), to cultivate “self”- love. This love of “self” helps me thwart egoic weeds from suffocating my head and heart.
During classes, I invite you to plant your “self” on your mat. Tune inward, nourish your head and heart, question invasive weeds, and cultivate an inner landscape where love proliferates outward beyond the physicality of your "self".